Is it really a problem?

When life gets hard and frustrating, when you’ve lost something important, or when you’ve simply lost your way, it’s easy and natural to focus on what’s not working. To look for ways to shift what’s wrong into something that feels comfortable and right.

​Sometimes though, we can get too good at over-fixing. For me, I’ll tenaciously research ideas and work on a problem until I find its solution, which means that I spend a lot of time looking at what’s wrong and exploring ways to turn what I don’t want into something I do.

Living in the “life is a problem to be solved” space doesn’t make my life problem-free though. Instead, it makes everything a problem, creating a constant perspective that there’s always something wrong.

There’s so much in life that’s unfixable. A decades-old mistake that can’t be undone. Harsh words that can’t be unspoken. A stubborn relative who won’t do what (I think) is best.

All of that time and energy focused on what isn’t working keeps me from appreciating — and being present for — what's right here, right now. And almost all of the time, when I really pay attention, the present moment isn’t a problem at all.

So what do you do if you find yourself in problem-solving mode when there might not really be a problem at hand? Here are a few ideas (and a lot of questions to ask yourself):

1. Determine if you're trying to solve a problem that belongs to someone else. If you are, do you need to? Really, really need to? What would happen if you empowered the other person to find their own solution? And, if they fail and learn from it, doesn't that have value?
2. Figure out if your problem is happening in the present moment. Is it worry about the future, which you can't pre-solve no matter how hard you try? Or are you trying to create a different solution for a long-ago situation, which is another impossibility? If you're in either of these mindsets, gently remind your brain that you can only create change in the present moment.
3. Reframe the "problem." What's the reason this situation is happening? Are you being given an opportunity, whether it's a new way of thinking or the chance to let something go? Is that really a problem?
4. Watch what happens when you sit with the discomfort of the problem instead of trying to make it go away. What does your body's wisdom want to tell you?
5. Notice what happens if you do absolutely nothing about the problem, go about your day, and let it be. Sometimes things get resolved all by themselves. ​

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Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.
Richard Bach